I wonder why you did leave

Late at night when I cannot sleep 
When day is far and I do weep
When there is nothing left but to think,
I wonder why you did leave.

When I awake and start to feel
A void between us threatens to creep
It is my imagination or so it seems, 
I wonder why you did leave.

It is light and I cannot cry
But memories of us are rushing by
I walk about with a smile so deep,
And wonder why you did leave.

I ponder, I meditate, I reason, I grieve!
The only question unanswered still is why you did leave. 

The colour of sunset

You know how those evenings are, with the warm summer's breeze blowing, 

The warm ocean air touching our cheeks lifted up in happy smiles. 

You know those crowded beaches, where hands intertwine and we leave the world behind?

You know those aimless walks we never took?

Those day dreams remind me of you. 

You know those rustic cafés tucked away in a calm corner of our busy cities,

You know that hand-drawn floral wallpaper we are too busy to notice?

Those coffees we never drank remind me of you. 

You know those days with endless talks, those that meander from thought to thought?

You know the sound of laughter an old forgotten joke brings, 

The times when you think you're done, but you cannot stop laughing?

Those moments we never shared remind me of you.

And just when I thought I've cried enough, the colour of sunset reminds me of you.

Our Favourite Colours

Pink. It has been my only favourite colour since childhood. Every time I go shopping, I can only spot the pink stuff. I feel a kind of internal calm when things around me are pink in colour. What is your favourite colour? What would happen if this colour no longer existed? How would life be if there no longer were colours? Pretty bland, I'd say. And very very depressing.

It was some weekday in August of 2013. I had just come back from class and was hurriedly getting ready to go watch my favourite actor, Shah Rukh Khan on the big screen. My mother had been ready for the past twenty minutes and was shouting at me to hurry up. But I was having a lot of difficulty doing so. In a wardrobe full of pink clothes, I had run out of a pretty pink dress that I could wear that evening. After a lot of screaming and cursing, both myself and my fate, I finally got ready and my mother and I set out for the theatre. And as my "fate" would have it, we got stuck in traffic. It was there that I saw this. It was not an accident, it was not an argument I got into. It was a few seconds of seeing pink, that changed my thinking that point hence.

Standing at the bus stop was this teenage guy. Good looking, smiling and happy. He was in a beautiful, bright pink shirt. A shirt, his friend on whose shoulder his hand rested, might not have worn. A shirt any other guy would not have worn for fear of being tagged gay, something I am not against, by the way. A shirt he himself might not have worn, for the same reason as others, if only he could have seen his reflection in the mirror. A colour he might not have worn, if only her weren't blind.

He didn't know what colour he was wearing. He didn't know what pink looked like. He wouldn't be upset that his pink dress was not pink enough to wear to a dark movie theatre. And this realisation made me feel very small. It made me realize that those of us blessed with all parts of our body, tend to be very insensitive. Although it isn't practically possible to not lead our normal lives and be extra sensitive each time, we need to put in conscious effort into making the lives of the disabled better.

India and Indians are poorer in comparison to other developed countries and it is therefore obvious that advanced infrastructural availability to aid the disabled would not be possible. But we aren't even close to bridging that gap. Not only do we not have the means to help them, but we are constantly coming up with things that, in my opinion, are emotionally insensitive too. How many big display, full LED smartphone advertisements don't we air on the television each day? Do we stop to think about that section of the society which just cannot be bothered with how bright the display is, because they cannot see it? There are options of voice enabled smartphones, solely to help the blind, but those are to be found on news channels or in a corner or a magazine. Our advertisements do not talk about them for they don't generate revenue. This era of smartphone boom is particularly cruel to those deprived of the ability to see. And it saddens me to be a part of the culture. Can't we spend the money we would otherwise spend buying that second cellphone or those unnecessary clothes from a discount store into making another person's life better?

We sure can argue that by spending lesser on items we don't necessarily require will not go into helping people with disabilities and that medical innovations alone can help them. And also that it is the government's duty to take care of. But my point here is medical breakthroughs require research, which requires funding, something our country cannot afford to spend a lot on. Therefore, if we people can even crowdfund such researches, we might be able to bring in some change.

The guy in the pink shirt couldn't use a smartphone just the way his friend was using. Nor could he go to the movie theatre to watch a movie like I did. I couldn't do anything for him that day other than feeling sympathetic. But by being aware that there are blind people out there who aren't really affected by matching pink dresses, I wouldn't spend extra on making it match. I would instead put my money into upcoming technologies like VR that currently bestow improved vision to those with partial seeing ability and hope that it would some day become affordable enough for everybody to be able to see my favourite colour. Wouldn't you want that too?

I'm back!

Five years since I started this blog and almost two years since I last wrote anything and now, I am back! Life has seen some major changes and in very many ways I am a different person as is the the case with everyone, everywhere. And I now think it is time to resume writing my dear blog that I proudly display to the world. 
For the most part, I think I will be putting up my Toastmasters speeches as new blog posts, with necessary edits to bring a speech to the written format. So my dear audience (if you do exist) sit back and enjoy the second edition of my blog and lets all stay 'Emotionally True' as ever.

Relinquish

One of the absolute necessities in life is the knowledge of how to relinquish the unimportant. It is an art mastered over the years and requires several unforgiving blows to the ego to soften it up to such an extent that the mind matures enough to learn to let go. Every person eventually learns how to let go. Time teaches everyone the tricks.

It starts with the material stuff. A favourite pencil, the last piece of chocolate in the box, the new dress at the mall, your old best friend, your pets, your dreams, your loved ones and finally, some fine day, yourself too. Yes, it does hurt to let go. There are memories associated with them all. There are dreams and aspirations. But it is necessary to understand that there is a huge probability that what is to be relinquished was probably never intended to be yours! It was a stray thought that happened to walk by in the range of your peripheral vision. It only causes unnecessary hurt and anguish to hold on to something and pour all your efforts into willing that something into happening which so desperately wants to get away.

Let it go. Set it free. The understanding that follows gives the mind enough peace to live without it. The cat and mouse chase is not worth taking the trouble. If something is meant to be, it will be. If something is not meant to be, then feel happy to have had it for as long as it was yours. Cherish the fond memories and let the bitterness of losing it slip away into nothingness. Relinquish the authoritative and possessive thoughts. You own nothing. Everything that has ever been in your possession has only changed hands. It came to you from someone, it is your duty to give it up for someone else.

Let peace prevail, outside and also within.

Birthdays

Birthday is that day of the year when everything is miraculously amazing: the boring school day, the tiring work at job and even the almost stranger like acquaintance. Everything and everybody is welcome and you are brimming with so much joy that all you want to do is share it with the world! The teacher doesn’t scold you, cos it’s your birthday. Your friends are super nice. And for the older kids, it’s time for birthday bumps and party! Birthdays, are fantastic.

But hold on. Isn’t it also that time of the year when you find out who truly cares about you to remember a day that is special to you though it is extremely ordinary for them? Yes, it is the day for secret character assassination (it’s a secret you shall never divulge) of everybody who did not wish you. Your only aunt, that old friend, nobody is spared. Birthdays, are important.

Everyone who doesn’t have a great online presence and is specially particular to change the settings on each social media platform to hide their birthday, will surely have that special set of people who they consider so close to them that they have immense faith in their recalling ability that they are thoroughly sure that a reminder from an algorithm is unnecessary for those people to make their birthday special. It is only when this special set has an amnesia attack on the day of your birth, do things start going downhill.

Why are birthdays so important? We turn a year older, we aren’t any wiser. We sit in anticipation of gifts, go on shopping sprees, and leave no stone unturned on making ourselves feel like royalty; all for that one day. Why? The answer is simple. Birthdays are special, for we have been trained to believe so. Sure, it was a happy occasion the day we were born. It must have been for our parents and family. The remembrance of the joy is worth celebrating. But it is wrong to expect every person we encounter to feel the happiness with the same enthusiasm.

The centre of every person’s life is their own self. Every other person is just that, “an other person”. So it is wrong of us to expect that everybody we care enough about to remember their birthday will remember ours. Birthdays and wishes must be heartfelt. It isn’t true when written on a wall by a person who hasn’t spoken to you since high school. Nor is it true that a person who doesn’t wish you on your birthday doesn’t love you. Your birthday happened to be at a lower priority on their to-do list for the day and somehow got conveniently erased from it.

For everyone who has ever had a birthday, stop fretting about (and caring about) those who didn’t wish you: go have a blast, love your life and self! Happy birthday!

Yardstick

The judging of people, the analysis of their behaviour and deconstruction of their character is an unconscious activity every person carries out with impeccable perfection each time they meet a person. It is only when explicitly told not to judge, does the realisation strike that the action of judging has already been completed. Why does one judge the other when judging people is considered wrong? Could it been an evolutionary instinct, embedded deep within every being, to be able to steer clear of possibly dangerous people? It could be. 

But the notion that judging people is wrong is clearly an elitist hypocritical idea, trying to appear falsely accepting of every person without outright announcement of disapproval. Judging characters is necessary for only that allows opinions to be formed. What is necessary is not to get judgemental.

For how long do those opinions derived from calculated thought remain correct is a question of importance. People change over time and so should the opinions formed about the new them. It is also possible that people change not just for the better, but for the worse too. In such a scenario judging them becomes quite torturous. Though an unconscious activity, its effects start showing on the conscious mind as well. Confusion arises about the righteousness of the act. Though their changed character is glaring us in the face, the mind refuses to let go of the previously accepted opinion but cannot stop forming new ones. What then is the right thing to do? Should it now be accepted that judging people is wrong after all? 

Judging people and forming opinions aren't ever wrong and neither are the confusions arising out of continued judgement of ever changing characters. It must be understood that opinions formed are meaningful to only the opinion former. It neither affects not changes the people being judged. There is no correct way nor is there any right situation to judge people for there is no yardstick to measure the extent of correctness or wrongness. It is extremely subjective and highly diverse. Different people behave differently in different situations. The same person might behave differently if faced with the same situation twice! Hence this imaginary yardstick is different for judging the same person again. Understanding the shortcomings of this supposed yardstick and knowing that what meets the eye need not be truth in entirety, elevates the mind to a higher, more conscious state.

The Contrary

The existence of most entities in life is not merely proof of their existence. It is majorly an indicator of the non-existence of the contrary. Contradictions in many ways define life, shape our beliefs and serve as the basis for proving many mathematical models. Why then are we so obsessed with channelling our energies into thinking and believing only in the positive? A true optimist is not one who always acts positive; he is one who looks at the most pessimistic situation with eager optimism!

It is generally believed that to achieve success, one should visualise the success rather than failure. On the contrary, if one fails to visualise the failure and the package of grief and similar emotions that come attached to it, there won’t be enough motivation to chase after success. If necessity is the mother of invention, the inventors must have faced enough hardships to envision a life with and without their invention to have been motivated enough to give life to their creations. Our lives usually are filled with contradictions; sometimes to the point of driving us crazy. It is then that the thinking contrary method comes into play.

We fight with only those we love; we waste food but aim to solve all the food problems in the world; we need our parents but hardly respect them; we are lazy to earn the money we wish to spend. We want to have the cake and eat it too! To resolve such conflicts, it is easier to set one’s mind to think of the contrary. Any fight, any argument, is meaningless without our loved ones to add meaning to it. Instead of fighting them, it is better to fight for them. The fact that we have food to waste only shows our affordability; the day the affordability is lost, there will be no more food left on our plate to waste. The fact that we have parents shows we aren't orphans and disrespecting them is equivalent to behaving as one. Had there been no cake, there would be nothing to keep, nor eat.

Life offers many things we ought to be grateful for and one of them is the human ability to analyse. Stop thanking God for all the beautiful things that we are blessed with. Instead turn the mind to think of what life would be without them. Negativity is no enemy. It is only a tool to reach for the positivity within. Think the contrary, thank the ordinary.

I am a Vegetarian

Humans and animals are a part of nature’s food chain, with us humans being on the top of the chain with seldom seen exceptions which are termed accidents. But, do whales, sharks, tigers, bears, platypuses etc. feel it is an accident when they are hunted and/or poached by us humans? Of course they don’t; they are extraordinarily dumb to understand our immensely logically advanced reasoning abilities! So, let us pat our backs for conveniently having fooled these animals, who not only turn up as food on our plates but as clothes on our backs and doormats in our living rooms, into believing that their fate as decided by us is the correct explanation of the working of the food chain.

Being a lacto-vegetarian since birth, it has never seemed unnatural to use dairy products and vegetarianism has appeared to be the best food habit; what did seem unnatural were vegans and non-vegetarians. I have only recently fully appreciated the need for non-vegetarians: They balance the food chain. Without them, vegetarians would be starved to death! But these helpful non-vegetarians checking the herbivore population in the world are accustomed to feast upon only the flesh of the animals. Their dietary habits leave behind a lot of waste in the slaughter houses, which according to Wikipedia are treated and used in an unimaginably large range of products! And here, I ask myself a truly confusing question: Why should my vegetarianism come in my way of using animal derived products?

After two decades plus of leading the life of a strict vegetarian, I do wonder, what is the point of it all? Will PETA ever hand me the “Sexiest Vegetarian Alive” award? Will the animals of the world write a letter of gratitude for doing my bit in not giving them untimely death? Or will I be taken to heaven after my death and felicitated there for being so kind to God’s other creations? Neither will happen. I am not the recently turned vegetarian ex-girlfriend of a converted vegetarian and who, by the way happens to be a hypocritical movie star. Nor, will the animals write to me, nor will God consider me his best creation so far. After serious pondering, my mind does offer me a satisfactory answer: I am a vegetarian. At this point in life where I am mentally advanced enough to rationalize the reason behind my actions and decisions, it becomes evident that vegetarianism is not just a food practice anymore, but is my way of life.

To be a vegetarian in a world where people don’t understand its meaning in totality is hard, not to forget frustrating. Very big names in the food industry, in the cosmetics, medicine and many more industries do not consider animal derivatives as not vegetarian; how insensitive is that! Animals are not machines that can be erased and reprogrammed to suit our whims and fancies. They are living creatures with as many complex emotions as we human beings. They too have a soul and we are not empowered by any supreme power to snuff out their lives for our meaningless requirements. Animals as food, though not even remotely appealing to me, are a necessity. But why should their remains find their way into my ‘vegetarian’ food in the form of gelatin, fat, lecithin etc.? And I am not even going into the torturous ways they are slaughtered; not mentioning the halaal procedure, which according to me is totally inhuman, for the sole reason of not wanting my comment to potentially instigate a communal riot.

Practicing vegetarianism has made me a better human. It has made me see the life in every creature and to value it. If I do believe that by eating an animal, I will be responsible for killing it, the belief then should be extrapolated to include rejection of all products that use these helpless creatures. Ingesting animals or animal products alone is not non-vegetarianism; using any product whose existence has been made possible by the death of an animal is also non-vegetarianism. I have tried my best never to consume anything with any traces of animal and after this realization, I have given up cosmetics and silk clothing. The scalding of the silkworm in Sericulture is too horrifying to want to drape its clothing as mine!

The long and short of it is, there should be more efficient ways of disposing or utilizing the wastes from slaughter houses so that the non-vegetarians can have their food and no animal or its derivative finds its way into objects of everyday use for a fastidious vegetarian like me. Till such a plan comes into effect, I shall be too lazy to explain my theory to those with non-existent spiritual quotient and will simply state with pride, though at a risk of being called insane, “I am a vegetarian.”

Water The Fish

In my ingenuous inability to comprehend the mystery behind the usage of a particularly obscene expletive from my contemporaries, starting from the sixth letter of the English alphabet, my mind started to experiment with the acronym to redefine it and to restore balance to the profanity ridden world! Why the hell in Finland (or France, or Fiji) did this phrase have to come into existence ever? Why not rephrase it; 'Want The Fitness’, ‘Wait The Fate’, ‘Want the Food’, ‘Wrote till The Finish’ etc... It is a weed that crops up in everyone’s mind, it is an unwelcome guest and it is a dangerous dynamite, what the hell!! There are pachyderms who care not what they spell, but there are soft hearted others as well. With pride I confess, I belong to the latter category and to live without this phrase today is a myth I shall dispel. Language is not only a medium of communication but the words chosen to communicate reflect the personality of the speaker. Then why should those of us with sanity in our heads be swept by the decidedly indecent language of morons? What the flower do people wish to convey by repeated and unnecessary use of such offensive terms? These lame people must be exceedingly lazy to learn a few adjectives to use instead of their favourite what the phrase. The increasing indifference of the people world over to the excessive use of expletives is shameful. The next time you hear anyone say ‘WT*’ tell them to go Water The Fish for their expression has just as much meaning! 

Truth

The truth is clay which never dries. It can be molded any number of times into any form desired and would still be ready to change form. Every child is told this clay is not malleable but the child in its journey to adulthood eventually finds out how fragile a lie it is, a vain attempt to cover the true identity of truth. The shift from being truly honest to compulsively dishonest in us humans is an exponentially growing graph with the y-axis values tending to infinity, with the x-axis being, obviously, time.

As children we learn to lie to avoid punishment, as teenagers we lie out of confusion about the truth; but what do the all knowing adults have to lie about? It is a stupid question, really. Adults lie, for they have conditioned themselves not to tell the truth. In this life setting then, is there no room for the truth? The situation is not that bleak. Humans are intelligent creatures who have not gone extinct for the sole reason that they know a way around every problem. Though living in a self-spun web of intricate lies, most of us find a way to be truthful to calm the raging conscience inside. Thus the concepts of half-truths, white lies etc. have come into existence; the worst among all being sadistic truths.

Sadistic truths (if the concept doesn't already exist, I created it) are told by people at the most inconvenient of times possible. At a funeral, in an office meeting, at a family get together, truthful sadists don’t necessarily need a reason or the right atmosphere to offer their infinite wisdom. These idealists are more often than not the biggest liars. To negate the sins of having consciously lied about every happening possible, they mine for opportunities to find a suitable victim to extract their shortcomings, and to impress upon the world how truly concerned and an honest opinioned person they are!

Alas! There does not seem to be a way to shun these people from our lives for those with a real understanding of the truth are too forgiving to consider them worthy of giving them a piece of their minds and those of us struggling to grasp the essence of the truth are too shocked on being faced with the sadists’ truths to be able to form a coherent retort. Life, thus, will lead us on regardless of whether we tell the truth or versions of it.